evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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