life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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