The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
