that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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