My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
There's even glitter on my cock...
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