the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
