Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
