A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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