Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
