i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
