Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
