Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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