One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
