it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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