dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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