What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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