Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
