my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
