I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Dignity is for republicans.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
