hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
