I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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