There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
