$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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