best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
