After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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