i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Terrible idea I love it
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
