So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Drake has all the answers
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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