No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize