haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
