explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
