4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize