ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
