I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
