i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
