There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
