My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
