tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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