if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Your penis caused this!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
