i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
