oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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