I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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