I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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