i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
