Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
