I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
