normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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