...so i touched it.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's blow job season.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize