sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
