Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
