did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
