How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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