I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
