can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
