everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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