At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Randomize
