I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
