I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize