Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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