and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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