...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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