I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize