I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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