a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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