My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
