high people should be assigned attendants
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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