either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
