I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
