My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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