so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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