one two three fourrrrnication!
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize