Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i believe in u and ur pee
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
