Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
