His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
