I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
