My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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