You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
