i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize