Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
