am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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