i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If its not for food we ain't going out.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
