dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
