So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
