I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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