she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
