Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
nutella sex= disaster
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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