Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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