Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
