and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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