And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
we made out on top of his cat.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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