I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
