He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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