I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
