I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
