break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
There's always time for handjobs
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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