wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize