I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
