I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
