Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I think I am morally bankrupt
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
