So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Randomize
