Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
